Stand up, fight back; #Bullying seems common, but what is it?

Stand up, fight back was the topic of an article appeared in The Hindu of March 5, 2018 (EDGE page 3). Written by Ananthalakshmi Sekhar.

Bullies exist everywhere; nip their advances in the bud says the highlight of this article.

Bullying seems common, but what is it?

It is verbal or physical abuse with aliases being “intimidate”, harass. It is the sadistic feeling of joy one enjoys when victimizing the vulnerable target.

Who is bullied more- men or women? Bullying knows no gender; although women are easy targets, sometimes, men have no escape either.

It happens everywhere.

Reasons for bullying range from bigoted attitudes, poor upbringing, insecurity, aesthetic appeal, employment, earnings and more. Irrespective of the fitting reason behind this vilifying act, not all emerge stronger.

It is so strong that sometimes many have altered their circadian clock to end themselves. So how you handle bullying?

Say no to self-pity. Writer goes on to describe her own experiences and her attempts to overcome all that.

Those suffering bullying, remember, seeking assistance helps. Talk to your close friend or confidante, else to a professional. If bullied, speak out boldly to let your trauma known. Do not despair; with mental strength, you can fight back. Becoming vulnerable victims is not an effective solution.

Article ends there.

Since childhood I had been victim of bullying. Till recently, I did not know how to term that feeling now I know I was being bullied. Earlier in some writing that I have read that was equated as something due to peer pressure.

Since very beginning I started liking to dance. I don’t remember when for the first time I danced. But I do remember one incident when in Ganeshgunj, Lucknow we used to stay at ancestral home with a joint family. One song came on radio, Hawa me udta jai mera lal dupatta malmal ka. I still hear those voices in my ears.  Few people started calling loudly dance kamles dance and started clapping. I remember I was dancing on this song. Whenever this song came on radio I was encouraged to dance. I don’t know if dancing (making movements with music) came to me naturally?

Later as I grew up and started attending school at IITKanpur campus, one sport teacher spotted my talent. He used to encourage me to dance. In physical education period that was known to us as PT period, he would ask me and few others to show their talents. I used to sing and dance. Many times my PT sir praised me and my talent. So I felt special within myself. But on the other side all the class mates, more so all boys started bullying me. They used to comment on me. Few equated me with dancing girls. I was called The nauch girl, randi, tawaif, nachnewali. Few were more kind they called me hizra(eunuch) . Few friends called me a “girl”. All this happened because I used to dance.

In school few songs of mine were very famous. Nazar Lagi raja tore bangle par, inhi logon ne le lina dupatta mora and thare rahiyo banke yaar re from film pakeezah. I started iconizing Meena Kumari ji. Thus boys used to say “Thare Rahio” or “nazar lagi raja”.

I was nick named as gaurayia. It is common name of sparrow.

Later when I reached class VII or so while playing kabaddi, the boys tried to gag me and few tried to see whether I have male sex organs or not? When I went to other side on my turn, few elder boys caught me and pushed me down on ground. I heard them telling to younger boys that I am holding his hands and legs you just see in his pants whether he has that organ etc.

Meanwhile as I was growing up such miss adventures also were growing around me. So much was apprehension inside me, that while going out to buy something from market, if I saw those boys in the street, I had to change my direction. Or I had to stay back and wait for some time till they go away. There was a house of Agn….ri .and Du…e. Most of terrorists used to live those houses. I mean we were so much terrorized due to boys of those house.

Later we shifted to type two and came into high school. Then my classmates grew more mischievous. Few called me Bulbul, “nach meri bulbul paisa milega”. One gang sang “tauba eh matwali chaal”.

I grew up amidst such group of boys. Few boys didn’t take me seriously at all. I mean I didn’t have any say in that group or gathering. But I didn’t left my passion for dance.

Being born in a family that lived within a society, I cannot imagine that my family could have broken norms of society. I still feel that my father was very brave. I can’t imagine how much pressure he would have gone through accepting me and my passion for dance. Many times he voiced his anger and concerns on my habit of dancing. I really feel how great he was. His peer group might have commented or laughed at him while targeting me. He is most courageous man. He never directly stopped me, but few times alerted me.

Had we got some kind of facility of learning dance or music nearby our house, we would have got enrolled and could have learnt many things. It was beyond imagination of our family that a boy travelling few kilometres away from home just to learn dance. Such things were not considered good even in 1970s.

But yes, our family never desist or restricted me or my sisters from taking part in co-curriculum activities in school.

One neighbour with whom we used to leave keys of our house also commented once. We had so much trust on him and his family, as I said we used to leave keys of our house with them. He said “your father will have difficulty in arranging your marriage”. He said this due to the fact that I used to dance and I was famous as “A boy who dance”? Whatever were his thoughts about me, it didn’t really matter to me back then nor today.

Most of my peer group might have had some perceived thoughts about me. One classmate used to take my notebooks to complete his works. Once I went to house to talk to him, as our exams were very near. As I crossed one window, I overheard something, His mother whom I addressed as Aunty (with respect, as we were always taught to address other elders respectfully) she said he is not home. That was the last day I talked to him. Now he lives in USA, his daughters are learning Bharatnatyam. He daily used to comment on me. I have not made him friend on Facebook.

Few others are also living in USA and their daughters are doing dance. But when those girls were in my class they laughed at me. Now they are proud mothers of girls who dance Bharatnatyam.

One Marathi professor was there. He seemed to be on forefront in all cultural activities in campus, mostly classical music. But once I saw he strictly stopped his daughter from taking part in one program on stage. He was class conscious.

When I had to attend Degree College in Kanpur, I had to take bus to go to city. Many boys together went to college. On the way they commented on me. I could do nothing as I was one and alone among all those boys.

When I was student of IIT then also on few occasions I felt such bullying. The only cause was that I used to dance. I loved to dance. There was a group of ladies, they organized cultural activities in campus. I remembered once there was a dance drama “Chitrangada” of RabindraNath Tagore. One day I was asked to take part in dance sequence, there were few more boys. But I was chosen to dance on “Mohini maya elo” and I was told to choreograph few movements for the group. After few rehearsals, suddenly one day i was told that dance sequence will not be staged (or that sequence will not be part of this ballet). I think they tried to rope in my sisters and as a lollipop they might have thought to play this dirty game with me. I am at liberty to apply my mind and my perception to things happened with me.

Thus I imagined, what might have been the cause behind this bullying?


Penetration of #Internet into #minds of #youngones- #Teens?

download (8)Penetration of Internet is a topic which everyone likes to debate. Now days parents remain tensed over internet access in their homes. Earlier, 30 years back topic of discussion used to be the time spent of watching Television. Every household and all over the print media it was discussed as to how much time children need to spend on watching TV, since so called social media as we know today was not (12)

On doordarshan few psychologists were called and they told how much time children should spent on TV. Topic of debate remains same when computer revolution happened. Be in office or in home, people had TV, Computer also for entertainment, Then after few years a boom of television happened, flood of TV channels started coming, with ZEE and metro channel on DD and few more. Also thanx to the Ekta Kapoor with BALA ji telefilms pvt ltd, they have started an industry now called as Television industry. Earlier we only knew as film industry. Television was untouchables for film actors. It was undoubtedly first STARTUP in television industry? She singlehandedly churned out so many television soaps? Why they call it soap serials? I don’t know? But with her (read their) creativity we now have huge numbers of female actors, Tulsi, Baa, Sakhsi- Kahani ghar ghar ki, Yeh mohabatein,  but it was ITIHAAS serial which I saw on Doordarshan. It was having a superb TV actor Joan david??

With the revolution in Cable TV it was possible to provide live coverage to maximum number of households, Even it became a issue of politics, In few states parties woes that if brought into power they will distribute televisions sets free of cost.

Now in age of IT this social media and in particular the Internet is playing secretly with the minds of our young ones.

As per a survey of NSSO [NSS KI(71/25.2)] which I had read sometime back tells that highest number of households (with atleast one member of age 14 years and above) having access to the internet facility were found in Lakshadweep with 71.9% households. It was closely followed by Pudducherry with 61.6% households at second highest. Third highest was in A & N Islands with 59.3% households (593 per 1000).

In Kerala survey estimated that about 56.2% households had internet penetration. Here most important is the fact that household member age counted was of age 14 and above. But if internet facility is available in household then can we not imagine the access to the children less than 14 years of age?

Goa had 51.0% households with penetration of internet and accessible to 14 years of age.

In URBAN areas separately it was found in survey that Lakshadweep was on top with highest number (75.9%) of households having access to internet. Second highest was urban households of A & N Islands with 71.1% households having access to internet. Maharashtra was with third highest number of households (64.6%) in country with access to internet facility. Followed by Pudducherry at 63.7%, Kerala at 62.1%, Nagaland with 61.2%, Sikkim with 60.8% and Chandigarh with 60.2% households having access to internet in that order.

About 15 states/UTs were having more that 50% households with internet facility (these households were having at least one member of age 14 years and above)

In RURAL areas Pudducherry with 58.0% households having internet facility was the highest, Followed by rural Lakshadweep with 56.1% households having internet facility as second highest. Third highest number of households having internet facility was in Kerala with 51.3%, followed by Goa with 48.6% and Delhi with 42.9% households.

If all these figures indicates something then see this also given bellow:

Daman Diu had 58.0% males dropout from schools, Lakshadweep had 50.9%, Dadra Nagar Haveli had 46.9%, A & N Islands had 45.8% males dropped out of schooling system. Pudducherry (44.6%), Odisha (42.0%), Karnataka(42.3%) and Goa(43.5%).

However, there is few estimates from survey that tells the number of never attended schools? Daman Diu had 18.0%, Dadra Nagar Haveli had 11.8%, Uttar Pradesh had 11.4 and Bihar had 14.3% males who never attended schooling system.


In A & N Islands (as per 2011 census data)

  • 72.1% households possess mobile phones (81.2% in urban)
  • 68.5% households possessed Television (86.3% urban)
  • 83.6% households had telephone (94.4% urban)
  • 3.5% households had computers with internet (7% urban)

The 2011 Pew Internet survey reported that 95% of U.S. young adults between ages 12 through 17 are online, of whom, 80% have profiles on social media sites, as compared to only 64% of the online population aged 30 and older.

while checking net i found this. I didnt know about it earlier. 

But problem now may be of dangerous proportion? we don’t have data to show as to how many kids age wise are having access to internet in India? in some sites it requires to submit that user is of 18 years or above. But when a kid of 14 years clicking it how do the site knows exact age?. few sites i have seen while creating a profile or signing up it requires some ID proof to be put up for verification?? there also we can have fake IDs?

but i don’t know whether parents can keep eye on their kids use of internet outside home? many students now days attend coaching classes and tuition etc. How we can monitor their behaviour ?? a big challenge? to keep up our family values, morality etc?

we hear on TV the crime cases under POSCO are on rise at a high pace?


Dream is must. सपना जरूरी है 

Dream is must. सपना जरूरी है

until and unless one do not have a dream he cannot march forward that means one has to have some goals/objective in life to achieve.   wile talking on INDIA TV Swami Ramdev said all  this. He was telling something about his childhood life etc.


He said he used to get secondhand books, as he could not afford to buy new books when he was in school. he was born to a poor family?

Asked by Rajat Sharma about his English speaking skill? he tactfully replied that even a sweeper in England speaks English, what’s so great about speaking English?


It is only in India this perception is there if one speaks English he is elite or great person. That’s wrong perception, it has deep roots in the British rule, as that time it was language of rulers and Slave thought that speaking this language will get rid of the chains of slavery?

Most of the people when see at Swami Ramdev, they have a perception that had been developed all these years, that is of a sadhu not knowing English, not educated, not doing anything, wearing nothing or just two cloths, with beared, long hairs etc etc. This perception is proved wrong in case of Swami Ramdev. He does not fit in that kind of perception. This perception also came into being while British Rule. It’s a legacy of that British Rule. So to say nouveau riche, highly educated, returned from Foreign land tried to educate Indian masses about the west those had build up this perception about our old aged traditions of Sanayasi and Sadhus.

But talking to Swami Ramdev he do not conform to this perception which was taught to people so far.  Therefore social elite raise eye brows when he talks about UN, UNO, WHO, WTO etc? Even most of the educated don’t know about WTO? But being a “Sanyasi” he is fluent in these terms. I think only a learned man can only talk about such things.

When asked about the quantum of advertisements of Patanjali  being aired on so many TV channels he immediately clarified that have you compared the quantum of advertisements of MNCs?  Have you checked the amount MNCs are spending on advertisements? He said he is the brand ambassador of a brand that he himself has nurtured.

Does Sanyasi means that he should not know anything about world? Or is he barred to serve nation? through Education, marketing goods, medicine, healthy lifestyle, Yoga and also our traditional knowledge, those are enshrined in Veda, Upnishad and other various Sanskrit Literature.

Yog Guru? he is blamed that why he is doing other things other than Yoga?

I mean why such question? is asked to him? Why those coming on TV channels give opinions on everything? when we know they are journalist and work for TV channels. They should do only reporting news but not giving their opinions?

thus why He being a Yoga Guru can’t popularise Ayurveda? Why Swami Ramdev can’t speak about Swadeshi? Even Mahatma Gandhi did advocated for Swadeshi? He was a lawyer by profession. Being Sanyasi doesn’t mean that he should close his eyes on happenings in World?

History has it that Sanyasi has been used in politics, Rajneeti, Polity, social reforms etc. Be it to popularise Jainism, Buddhism, parajeevak, Advait, Vedant system etc. Kings and administrations have used them.

Swami Ramdev represents Sanyasi of new age. Few of such people can really transform our society. When he speaks i don’t want to stop listening. So much knowledge he has gained. That do not comes easily, a person has to work hard to learn all this. He gives out so many numbers figures that not many Managers, MD may know of it.

Sanyasi means someone who makes or builds a society or leads a society on path of development, either physical or spiritual.

Many occasion i see on TV people making fun of Swami Ramdev, they joke about patanjali making jeans or cloths etc? Why they make fun? why they don’t become entrepreneurs? themselves? They are citizens of India as he is a citizen. All have equal rights and liberty. Why people dont take help or utlize the Skill India Mission, Kausal vikas abhiyan Or MUDRA yojna? instead of  making fun of Swami Ramdev. And what was happening all these 70 years? how many people became self employed or entrepreneurs? Ministry of Social welfare, Industry, Labour and employment, education were doing for so many years? Why they were not able to make any of MakeinIndia brand. Why joke on someone.

Just saw an add of a toothpaste? it was having words of Veda? or herbal connection? why needed that if their product was so genuine and people had faith on that toothpaste. Now every product advertisement has something or other of herbs, herbal, Ayurveda? why? Since now they have realised that patanjali is a product they will have to compete with?



CHILD ABUSE at home : Child sexual abuse, what can we call it?

While sleeping i felt something unusual, But deep in sleep i could not figure it out. I felt a human body beside me. Thus clinging to that warm body I slept again. Now i know how it is dangerous to fall asleep.

He after applying his liquid kisses on me, tried to take me into his tight embrace. I also put my arms around him. He was so pleased by this that again he gave me his liquid kisses. He uses his tongue to lick my cheeks. Putting his lips on my cheeks, he sucks my cheeks tightly. He then as if assuring me tried to caress all over my head, my body and planted kiss on my forehead.

After that whenever i felt something i would move. He immediately took me into his grip of arms. Presented kisses as if, saying don’t worry, everything is ok. For assurance i had bounty of his liquid kisses on me. He many times would say “good child”.

I had picked up habit of imitating him. Whatever he did i did try to do same. He used to kiss on my forehead, cheeks, neck, eyes. i also tried to cling to him and try to kiss him on his chest and his cheeks. When he moved his body towards me then i kissed him. I also imitated him by placing my arms around him.

he was kissing me all over. His chest was over my mouth suddenly his nipples were touching  my mouth I tried to put lips on them. He liked it. he then moved close towards me and adjusted me so that my mouth be placed on his chest, So that my lips touch his nipples. As soon as his nipples came in contact if my lips I tried to firm up my lips as if I tried to kiss. He liked it. Actually he was trying to adjust himself so that I can do it again on him. He gone mad at that time with lots of groaning moaning sounds. He madly kissed me again and again. He just ate my cheeks as if he will puncture my cheeks. My cheeks were full of his saliva. He rolled his warm tongue all over my cheeks. He sucked cheeks strongly. Whole of my cheeks he pulled just like making vacuum inside his mouth.

When i tried to suck his nipple he laughed. I heard him laugh in that darkness. My ears were full of thumping sounds of my heart and his heart. His chest was so close to my face. He was taller and huge well built guy.

Then he placed his leg on me as if keeping me under his control. After I slept i didn’t know what happened? when he came? when he untied his cloths?. But when he placed his leg on me then the touch of his skin indicated that is without cloths.

When he placed his leg on me, my hand touched his thighs. he lifted his leg and adjusted himself so that my hand touch him where both of his leg meet. He pressed his arms around me tightly, he pushed me down and funny thing was that he presented many kisses.

Again while sleeping in this posture suddenly some movements woke me up. my hand found that he had loosened his loin cloth and he was rubbing himself against my body. there it was, a very hard erect thing. He might have also known that i have woken-up so he again encircled me with his strong arms and pulled towards his chest and tried to assure with soft kisses and started licking me. he guided my hand with his hand and placed it around that pulpy tube like organ. he guided my palm to grip it and make movements. By All that he meant as to tell me what to do??

My palm touched that stiff, erect hard thing. what was it? A hard fleshy thing. He started moaning. suddenly he took me into his tight grip OF ARMS as if i thought he will break my bones. But he did not forget his liquid kisses. I was made to turn halfway, now i was completely in his grip. He started rubbing vigorously his belly against me. I think he knew that i loved his liquid kisses, thus whenever i tried to stop him, softening his grips he kissed on me with his saliva kisses.

As he tightened his arms around me, he thrust his belly on me with more force. After that when i tried to move he would just soften his arms. when i again start sleeping he would again do something.  All few days all this touching thing went on.

That day also he stayed in my house. Strangely i was sleeping, something happened, since by now i had become habitual of this body touching and tight grips. thus thinking that something happening as usual, carelessly i just put my arms also around him and slept.

I felt some pressure, he kissed me. He was partly naked. i felt his bare chest at my back.

when he applied force that time i might have woken up, he then forcefully took me into arms and was thrusting his belly into my back.  He had trapped me in his arms so i could not move freely, he caressed all over my body. he surveyed my back. When he forcefully pressed his belly into my back i was shocked. there he had applied his saliva, at that moment when he thrust his organ into me and When his raw flesh (devil) touched on that spot i was blown into pieces. He thrust his fly. his organ was trying to pierce into me. He was halfway through. At that moment With full force I moved a little and came out of bed and failed his attempts.

That night changed me for forever.

This incident brought some of the previous memories to fore, which i had forgotten.

These happened when i was i think 6 or 7 years old.

one dark night I woke-up due to some unknown sensation in my lower part, I found one of my cousin lying beside me. He was much elder to me. he was doing some movements holding me.  he guided my arm to hold in grip a slippery tube like bulbous structure. Holding my hand he made to do some to and fro movements with speed. After some time some strong smashing jerks felt by my hand. I could not see anything since it was a darkest night, i have ever known.

then he lifted and took me somewhere to another place. When he placed me on that bed i found there was another a naked body.  i felt his skin.  It was a big body and well built. He took me into his arms, gently. Despite of a tough body he was gentle enough to kiss me several times. This was amazing and strange kiss i ever had. i never had such type of kiss ever before.

He adjusted me beside him on his bed. My cousin who brought me on that bed went back. This naked BIG body kept his arms around me as if i am a petite little chicken who has to be treated softly. he made me to cling to his body with his strong big arms. Immediately He made my left palm to hold something. It was much more magnificent than my cousin’s organ, hard, bulbous, smooth silky, wet, and erect with warmth. It also had some jerky motion within it. Only missing thing was that i could not see it. There was complete darkness of night. nothing was visible. He was holding me in arms while offering kisses. Body was wet with sweat. But that thing was much more longer than my palm. While i was guessing what this long thing is? He squeezed me, climbed on me, I felt crushed under his huge body and he was doing all his jumping motion on me, i wanted to run out. he held me strongly under his body. He was strong built… I tried to run out of the cot.   to that he said what happened my child? where are you going?

he was a tenant in my grandmother’s house. That night my grandmother was not at home. she had gone to attend a pooja at neighbour’s house which usually they do in the NAVRATRI days. Devi Jagran.

Then whenever i felt something unusual thing while sleeping i found my cousin doing something at my front. While taking nap in summer afternoons, he used to come on bed and lay beside me. I was staying alone with grandmother during summer holidays. In afternoons time, Everybody would sleep. He wore just a cloth around his waist. so he was completely naked. encircling my body with his hand around me. he would make my hand to take his organ in grip and to do some movement over it.

Was this not child molestation?  where i could have complained? these persons were known to me, trusted persons.

That person who recently did this to me was much Elder to me.

He used to stay in our house whenever he used to go city for his job. He always got chance to stay at our house. By touching and praising he made my body accustomed to his TOUCH. then slowly he had graduated on to sneaking into my bed at Nights. Then he made me feel his kisses, liquid and warm kisses, gradually he introduced me to his bare body, his strong arms, He used to encircle me in his tight grip of arms.

Then after wards he made me touch his bare Chest. And i don’t know how he made me to touch his nipples? all through this i just tried to imitate all his actions. Gradually he used to lay beside me naked. few nights he just cling me to his bare body thus he made me to like his touch of his body. he then untied his loin cloths and made my hand to touch his private parts. slowly after few days he tried to forcefully press his body against my body. Slowly he made my body to start liking his applying force on me….. then found that he started playing with my front and back with his hand. Many times he tried to enter his organ inside me with force but at first i tried to resist and successfully ran out of bed. But gradually he became violent in applying force. But when he found me sleeping and he pushed through his organ at my back and he did apply his saliva so as to make it slippery. I stoped him and ran out to save myself. But hurt was done.

Even after so many years of my life those acts and touch and that piercing act,  all that just dont leave me, they come all over again to me. What I can do?