CHILD ABUSE at home : Child sexual abuse, what can we call it?

While sleeping i felt something unusual. I tried to figure out, But deep in sleep i could not. I felt a human body beside me and thus clinging to that warm body I slept again. Now i know how it is dangerous to fall fast asleep.

He after applying his liquid kisses on me, tried to take me into his tight embrace. I also put my arms around him. He was so pleased by this that again he gave me his liquid kisses. He uses his toungue to lick my cheeks.Putting his lips on my cheeks, he sucks my cheeks tightly. He then as if assuring me tried to caress all over my head, my body and planted kiss on my forehead. 

After that whenever i felt something i would move. He immediately took me into his grip of arms. presented kisses as if saying don’t worry, everything is ok. for assurance i had bounty of his liquid kisses on me. He many times would say “good child”.

I had picked up habit of imitating him. Whatever he did i did try to do same. He used to kiss on my body, forehead, cheeks, neck eyes, i also tried to copy him and tried to cling to him and try to kiss him on his chest and his cheek. When he moved his body towards me then i kissed him. I also imitated him by placing my arms around him.

he was kissing me all over, his chest was on my mouth suddenly his nipples were exactly on my mouth so his nipple came into my mouth and I tried to put lips on them. He liked it. Then he moved towards me and adjusted me so that my mouth be placed towards his chest and that point i put his nipple in my mouth. He liked it. Actually he was trying to adjust himself so that I can do it again on him. He gone mad at that time with lots of groaning moaning sounds, and he madly kissed me again and again. he just ate my cheeks as if he will puncture my cheeks. My cheeks were full of his saliva. he rolled this warm toungue all over my cheeks and face. he sucked cheeks strongly. Whole of my cheeks he pulled by making vacuum inside his mouth.

when i tried to suck his nipple he laughed. i heard him laugh in that darkness. My ears were full of thumping sounds of my heart and his heart. His chest was close to my face. He was taller than me. Then he lifted his leg and put on me as if keeping me under his control. After I slept i didnt know what happened and when he came and when he untied his cloths. But When he put his leg on me then the touch of his skin and flesh told me that he had removed his dhoti (cloths).

While lying he turned half-way towards me placing his leg on me. My hand was between his leg and my body. when he kept his leg on me, my hand touched his thighs. he lifted his leg and adjusted himself so that my hand touch him where both of his leg meet. He pressed his arms around me tightly, he pushed me down and funny thing was that he presented many kisses.

Again while sleeping in this posture suddenly some movements woke me up. my hand found that he had loosened his loin cloth and he was rubbing himself against my body. there it was, a very hard erect thing. He might have also known that i have woken-up so he again encircled me with his strong arms and pulled towards his chest and tried to assure with soft kisses and started licking me. he guided my hand with his hand. he held my hand and placed it around that pulpy tube like organ, he guided my palm to grip it and then he made some movements. By All that he meant as to tell me what to do??

My palm touched that stiff, erect hard thing. what was it? A hard fleshy thing. he guided my hand to do whatever he wanted.

He started moaning. he suddenly took me into his tight grip OF ARMS as if i thought he will break my bones. But he did not forget his liquid kisses. I was made to turn halfway, now i was completely in his grip. He started rubbing vigorously his belly against me. I think he knew that i loved his liquid kisses, thus whenever i tried to stop him,  softening his grips he kissed me with his saliva kisses. 

Something happened to me. I also put my arms around him. he pressed me close to him. he tightened his arms around me and with more force he thrust his belly on me. After that when i tried to move away he would just soften his arms and when i again start sleeping he would again do something

All few days all this touching thing went on. 

that day also he stayed in my house.  Strangely i was sleeping, something happened, since by now i had become habitual of this body touching and tight grips. thus thinking that something happening as usual, carelessly i just put my arms also around him and slept.

I felt some pressure, he kissed me. Today he was at my back. I tried to turn but he forcefully stoped me. Strong arms encircled me. He was partly naked. i felt his bare chest at my back. That was a December night. Inside the quilt he had removed his cloths and my kurta also. at my back i was feeling his skin.

when he applied force that time i might have woken up, he then forcefully took me into arms and was thrusting his belly into my back.  He had traped me in his arms, he caressed all over my body. he surveyed my back. When he forcefully pressed his belly into my back i was shocked. there he had applied his saliva, at that moment when he thrust his organ into me. When his raw flesh (devil) touched on that spot and when he applied saliva i was blown into pieces. He thrusted his fly and pressed against me. his organ was trying to pierce into me. He was halfway through. with full force I moved a little and came out of bed and failed his attempts.

That night changed me for forever. 

This incident brought some of the previous memories to fore, which by the time i had forgotten.

These happened when i was i think 6 or 7 years old.

in one dark night I woke-up due to some unknown sensation growing in my lower part, I found one of my cousin lying beside me. He was much elder to me. he was doing some movements holding me.  i felt some wet sensation. he was directing my arm to hold in grip a slippery tube like bulbous structure, he was holding my hand and making my hand to do some to and from movements with speed. After some time some strong smashing jerks felt by my hand. I could not see anything since it was a darkest night, i have ever known. then he took me somewhere to another place. When he placed me on that bed i found there was another naked body (man) was lying, suddenly my skin touched that man’s body, i felt his skin.  It was a big body and well built. He took me into his arms, gently. Despite of a tough body he was gentle enough to kiss me several times. This was amazing kiss i ever had. i never had such type of kiss ever before. He adjusted me beside him on his bed. My cousin who took me on that bed went back. This BIG body which was naked, kept his arms around me as if i am a petite little chicken who has to be treated softly. he made me to cling to his body with his strong big arms. Immediately He made my left palm to hold something. It was much more magnificent than my cousin’s organ, hard, bulbous, smooth silky, wet, and erect with warmth. It also had some jerky motion within, only missing thing was that i could not see it. There was complete darkness of night. nothing was visible. He was holding me in arms while offering kisses. Body was wet with sweat. But that thing was much more longer than my palm. While i was guessing what this long thing is? He squeezed me, climbed on me, I felt crushed under his huge body and he was doing all his jumping motion on me, i wanted to run out ..he held me strongly under his body. He was strong built… I tried to run out of the that he said what happened my child? where are you going?  

he was a tenant in my grandmother house. that night my grandmother was not at home. she had gone to attend a pooja at neighbour’s house which usually they do in the NAVRATRI days. Devi Jagran.

Then whenever i felt something unusual thing while sleeping i found my cousin doing something at my front While taking nap in the summer afternoons, he used to come on bed and lay beside me. I was staying alone with grandmother. In afternoons it used to be complete barren time. Everybody would sleep. He wore just a cloth around his he was completely naked. encircling my body with his hand around me. he wud make my hand to take his organ in grip. and to do some movement over it. 

was this not child molestation, where i could have complained, these persons were known to me, trusted persons.

That person who recently did this to me was Elder to me.

He used to stay in our house whenever he used to go city for his job. He always got chance to stay at our house. By touching and praising he made my body accustomed to his TOUCH. then slowly he had graduated on to sneaking into my bed at Nights. Then he made me feel his kisses, liquid and warm kisses, gradually he introduced me to his bare body, his strong arms, He used to encircle me in his tight grip of arms.

Then after wards he made me touch his bare Chest. And i don’t know how he made me to touch his nipples by my mouth and all through this i just tried to imitate all his actions. Gradually he used to lay beside me naked. few nights he just cling me to his bare body thus he made me to like his touch of his body. he then untied his lion cloths and made my hand to touch his private parts. slowly after few days he tried to forcefully press his body against my body. with his arms he pulled me towards his body. Slowly he made my body to start liking his applying force on me….. then found that he started playing with my front and back with his hand. Many times he tried to enter his organ inside me with force but at first i tried to resist and successfully ran out of bed. But gradually he became violent in applying force. But when he found me sleeping and he pushed through his organ at my back and he did apply his saliva so as to make it slippery and just was halfway through. I stoped him and ran out to save myself. But hurt was done.

even after so many years of my life those acts and touch and that piercing act of his after applying saliva all that just dont leave me, they come all over again to me. What i can do?