CHILD ABUSE at home : Child sex abuse

vkt fQj og xkuk lqukbZ iM x;k Vhoh ijA ,d dejs es cUn gks vkSj pkHkh [kks tk;A  cjlks iqjkuh ;nsa rktk gks xbA  bl xkus dks lqudj mlus tks flldkjk fy;k Fkk og vkokt vkt Hkh dkuks es xwta jgh gSA
og fnu dSls Hkqyk;k tk ldrk gSA ml fnu ?kj es dksbZ ugha FkkA lc yksx ckgj x;s FksA ihyk fpduk dqrkZ lWQsn pwMhnkj iguk Fkk eSusA fiDpj esa og xkuk vk;k rc og flldh ys dj fleV x;k Fkk A fQYe [kRe gksus ij [kkuk [kk;k nksuks us A dqN mijh fn[kkok djus yxs nksuks tSls fdlh ?kMh+ dk bUrtkj dj jgs FkssA vkf[kj og ?kMh+ vk gh x;hA
iyxa ij dksbZ lks;k FkkA jkr dk vU/kdkj gh Fkk pkjks rjQA dqN fn[k ugha jgk FkkA og cs[kcj Hkh Fkk fd ?kj es dksbZ vkSj ugha gS tks ns[k ysxkA blls igys fd jkr dk v/kadkj vkSj ?kgjkrk nwljk lk;k dc ml iyxa es vkx;k irk gh ugh pykA g`n;xfr gFkhSsMs+ lh okj dj jgh Fkh ij ‘kk;n lqukbZ fdlh dks ugha ns jgh FkhA iyxa ij Hkwpky py jgk FkkA vc nks vkd`fr;ks dks vyx ls nsk fxuk ugh tk ldrk A nksuks ,d gks x;h FkhA fnlEcj dk eghuk Fkk dMkds dh lnhZ FkhA pknj ugh jtkbZ Fkh ogkWaA dMkds dh lnhZ jkr dk ?kuk v/ksjk vkSj mlij ?kj es fdlh dk ugha gksuk lc feydj dkj.k curs gSa mls cy’kkyh cukus ds fy,A muds lkeus rks eS ,d NksVh lh tkuA mlds fy, rks jtkbZ es mldk f’kdkj Fkk ftls og tc pkgs tSls pkgs oSls bLrseky dj ldrk FkkA ogh mlus fd;kA cl fQj D;k Fkk ge rks jg x, dsoy ,d dBiqryh dh rjgA nks cnu ,d jtkbZ es ,d nwljs es xqFexqFFkk gks dj lnhZ ls yMrs jgsA
jtkb es vc dsoy nks cnu Fks A mlus ckgksa es dl fy;k vkSj ckgksa ds ?ksjs es og NksVh tku dlelk xbA og cMk lk;k NksVs cnu dks pkjks rjQ ls ckgksa es tdMs FkkA dqN fojks/k u ik dj mles cy vk x;kA og gels mez es cMs FksA db cjlks ls esjs ?kj ij vkrs tkrs o jgrs :drs FksA  ckgksa es tdMdj pweus yxkA og lk;k NksVs lk;s ij vk?kkr lk djus yxkA mlus vkosx c<k fn;k vkSj iwjs vkosx ls NksVs cnu ij vk?kkr djus yxkA vkSj eS dqN dlelkm rks rqjUr <hys gks tkuk ckgkas es I;kj ls Hkj ysuk vkSj s brus cMs cnu ds uhps nck fn;k tSls ihl fn;k gksA vkSj fQj mij ls tksj tksj ls vk?kkr djuk lc vthc lk Fkk og mldk vthc lh flldkjh Hkjh vkokt fudkyuk vHkh rd esjs dkuks es xwtrh gSA
fQj tc Hkh og ‘kgj vkrk rks gekjs ?kj gh ij :drk A 
cl tSls jkr gksus dk bUrtkj djrkA jkr dks lc lks tkrs A jkr ds vU/skjs esa f’kdkjh ekSds dk Qk;nk mBk dj esjs mij dc /kkok cksy nsrk Fkk irk ugha pyrk FkkA D;ksfd ge lks jgs gksrs FksA ijUrq tc eq>s vius cnu es dqN gksus yxrk Fkk rc gh irk py ikrk Fkk fd og vk x;k gSA ml jkr Hkh og vk;k FkkA
’kke ls ge f[kMdh ls ijns dh vksV ls ns[k jgs Fks mlsA ge mlds lkeus ugh tkuk pkgrs Fks ! mls tSls irk Fkk fd ge mls ns[k jgs gSaA mlus f[kMdh dh rjQ ns[k dj eqLdqjk;k FkkA ges yxk fd gekjh pksjh idMh xbA ij og ’kSrku rks ns[k dj glrk gh jgkA geus lcds fy;s pk; cukb ij vc ckgj rks tkuk gh iM+kA ml le; ml dh vk[kksa esa ’kSrkuh ns[kh FkhA og ?kwjrs gq, eqLdqjk jgk FkkA
jkr dks [kkus ds ckn lc lks x,A ge nsj jkr i<kbZ djrs FksA vius dejs es vkx,A irk ugha dc ge lks x,A lksrs le; dqN vthc eglwl gqvkA
ij pwfd dbZ ckj vthc gks pqdk Fkk blfy, T;knk /;ku ugha ns ik,A vkt lksprs gSa fd ml le; /;ku fn;k gksrk rks vkt esjh ;g fLFkfr ugha gksrhA  FkksMh+ nsj ds ckn lkeus dqN gksus yxkA lksrs gh eSusa Hkh mUgsa ckgksa es ys fy;kA ’kk;n gesa mUgksus igys ls gh viuh ckgksa es tdM+ j[kk FkkA ge rks vkjke ls ckWgksa ds tky es cU/k x;s FksA xjekgV ik dj lks x,A
dHkh b/kj pwerk dHkh viuh ckWgksa es dl dj Hkhap nsrkA ge vxj tjk lk fgyrs rks vius xhys pqEcuks ls ges xhyk dj nsrkA ij ge rks HkS;k th dh ckWgksa es ca/ks lqjf{kr eglwl djrs gq;s vkjke ls lksrs jgsA  dqN nsj ds ckn gedks yxk fd ge nc jgs gSa rc ge tkxsA rc irk pyk fd og gekjs fcLrj ij gSA
tSls gh mlus tkuk fd ge tx x;s gSa viuh idM+ <hyh dj ds gedks pweus yxk tSlS dg jgk gks fd lc Bhd gSA nwljs gh {k.k viuh etcwr lqMkSy ckWgksa es dl dj tdM+ fy;k vkSj pqEcu ysus yxsA vpkud ls ,ls idM+k fd ges ihl nsxsA dbZ ckj dl dj lesVk tSls vius cnu es lek ysxkA bruh rkdr ls viuh ckgksa ls nck fy;k fd tSls ges ihl nsaxsA ge dqN cksy gh ugha ik;sA

For first few days I could not guess what was happening to me. In morning I used to find some liquid on front of pant. After few days during night I felt something unusual. While in sleep/ slumber I tried to turn but I could not. I found myself encircled in his arms. Noticing my un-comfort he cleverly loosened his grip of arms and put lot of liquid kisses over me, as if assuring me…. It was midnight I think, since I was deep in sleep. I again slept. Again there was something happening. I felt myself clung to his chest and his arms encircled me. His one leg was on me. I was in his grip. He was elder to me and strong built. I was getting smell of his chest. different type of aroma was emancipating from his chest, armpits.  Salty sour type. He kissed me on my forehead and I heard he said good child.
I cling(ed) to his big body. Slowly as night progressed his grip on me also progressed. For the first time these kind of hugs and strong arms, I felt around me. His caressing on my body, Slowly touching all body parts were all amazing to me. Someone first time was touching my body. It was something new and surprising, spell binding me. strange.
I found both of his arms around me and i was sleeping clung to his big body. He kissed me many times, while his face was close to my face while he was kissing my lips touched his face. i think Immediately he noticed it. He smiled over my act. In that dark night i noticed his smiling. He again and again tried to repeat those things so that i may be tempted to do what i tried to do—kiss his cheeks. Thus after few attempts he put his cheeks on my mouth and i slowly put my lips on his cheeks. He gave me a tight hug and slowly again kissed me all over as if rewarding me. He was touching as if i am a flower, so gently but yes his grips around me were firm. He had strong arms and a big chest.  he had removed his banyan, my face was touching his skin of chest. Many times he was thrusting himself over me and while he was kissing his chest was touching my mouth. Then he once kissed on my chest. That time i felt strange feeling inside me. He put his chest so close to me and while moving his chest his nipples were almost inside my mouth. Thus his nipples touched my lips as if i was kissing on them. He liked it very much. That time in DARKness i felt he laughed with giggles. He was again and again trying to let me do this thing. And in reward he would offer me his liquid kisses with tight hugs.
He pressed me close to his body. I found his leg on me. All my body was under him now, locked by this leg. I found he had removed his waist cloth (lungi/dhoti). his leg on me touched my skin of hand, my hand touched his thigh. A big bulk of flesh type of thing was on me. But it was soft skin touch. He started again kissing and in between adjusted me under his belly. He pulled me close to his belly. He had actually removed his cloths for this act i think. But while manipulating all this he never forgot to offer me soft kisses. Suddenly his hand grabed my hand in darkness and guided it towards something. It was big, bulbous, smooth, tube like, jerking and attached to his belly. He made my hand to grab it and over my hand was his hand griping my hand. After few seconds he tried to make some movements over his this tube with my hand as if trying to tell me what to do???. Up and down over that tool. I did not know what to do. It was bigger than my grip. He did it with his hand guiding my hand. Suddenly there is change in his behaviour. His grip became tight over my hand and he increased the frequency of movement of his hand. He placed arm tightly around me with his left hand. He pressed me towards his chest and i also griped him with my left hand and with my mouth chewed his nipples on his chest. He had actually started liking this act of mine and he deliberately tried to do something so that I can do this act on him.
To my astonishment he was naked and I was under his belly, he guided my hand to do movements over his that tool, which he had kept in my hand. He started doing it vigorously. And as his frequency increased his pressure on me and his tightening of arms around me also increased. He actually ascended on me and pressed me under his belly as if he will pierce my belly thrusting his lower belly on me. When I was completely under his chest and belly I could not bear weight of his body, I tried to run away from his grips. He was bigger than me. Strong built. He applied all his force to keep me under his belly as if he will crush me completely. I also tried all my force to come out of his grip. In that dark night I was fighting with this huge body of a strong man. He was completely naked. He many times tried to console me. He kissed me all over me and tried to say few nice words after loosening his arms. But this was for few seconds and suddenly he would become uncontrollable beast type again forcing his belly on me. Applying all my force I just slipped out of his grips and ran towards the bathroom. I don’t know for how much time I was there.
Actually he was elder to me thus I could not protest. He very often used to visit our home. While I used to study in my room, in evenings he used to come to my room And stood behind my chair. With his hands he caressed my arms, shoulders and sides of my body as for appreciation saying you are very good child and studious one. Keep it up and all that. But during all this he used to continuously touch all over me. During summers I also did not wear full sleeves, thus his palms keep on touching my skin of hands, neck, shoulders. All this while my chair was like a wall between him and me. Back was raised thus he used to grip me from back of chair.
In nights he used to sneak into my room during darkness of night. While I was sleeping he will cares my body, often took me into his arms etc, I could not notice it since I was sleeping. But yes when he often with full force used to grab my body into his arms then only I could notice that he has come to my bed. But over the years, as if my body got accustomed to his body and all his acts during night.
Many times I could not notice what has happened to me, since in slumber he used to lay beside me and used my body. Once During winter we had visited his village. Inside the quilt he grabbed me in night. He and me, as if we both knew what to do. I was sleeping or pretending i don’t know. He was lying beside me. He started rubbing his hands all over my body, caressing gently. Encircled his arms around me and kissed me. He came prepared today. He had no cloths inside. He had removed his loincloth. In that cold weather his body was warm. Since he had taken me in his grip of arms I also cling to him as if to feel warmth of his big chest. He had no hairs on his chest, bare chest. Two nipples were touching me. He kissed me and i think he knew what i was thinking. What was going on in my mind. Thus he adjusted himself and myself so that my mouth just touched his nipples. As i touched his nipples with my mouth he groaned. And in reward he kissed me and gave me a tight hug. He turned towards me, now we were face to face. My face was on his chest and his arms around me pulling towards him. One hand he guided towards that point, it touched his scrotum which was just a fluid like thing. Since he had already removed his underwear everything was within reach of my grip. He guided my hand to it and put grip on his manly tool. It was quite obvious now for me to follow. Since he had taught me many times what to do. He was vigorous. Vigorously he was rubbing his belly on me. He was making some sounds which i had never heard. He continuously kissed me. He put liquid kisses on me. He put his mouth on my cheek and rolled his warm tongue all over my cheek; with saliva my cheeks were wet. He fixed his lips on my cheeks and with force he kissed, as if with vacuum he pulled skin of my cheeks into his mouth. With his large mouth he tried to pull all my cheeks, later it started little pain. Then he kissed on my forehead and neck. I tried to kiss on his chest and nipples. He liked it and repeatedly for some time we played this. First he kissed me then he will put his chest on my mouth then i will kiss his nipples, in return he again kissed me, and then again he put his chest on me so that i can kiss his chest, thus it kept on many times. In that dark night when i cannot see anything in that room, he was playing with me for large part of night.
Then with lots of touching and kissing he turned me. Now he was towards my back. He suddenly tried to pull out my under wear. And he started putting fingers in my front and at the back while he was pressing his bare chest on my back and belly towards me. With little force he tried to insert his thumb at my back. I was uncomfortable and i ran out of cot.
Once, he stayed in our house. After finishing all the cores I also slept. Past midnight I felt something unusual, which was actually usual by now for my body to feel in nights, particularly when he is around. I felt some pressure at my back. Thinking of “usual”, my body tried to accommodate him. After some time again I felt pressure, I tried to roll over and change my position. I could not do so. He was at my back and griping me into his arms tightly. He stoped me from changing my position. When I tried further he must have applied more force. More forcefully, he grabed me towards his chest. Pushed me into his chest. I found that he had shifted my cloths also, and he was naked. Since his chest was touching my back. With the touch of skin I noticed that he was naked. His both arms around me pulling and pressing me towards his big chest. Thus my back was completely attached to his chest and belly and he was keeping it with force.
He applied more pressure. That time I felt uneasiness. All this while I was sleeping and all these years I was used to all this acts of him, thus I could not react instantly. But when the pressure grew and unbearable to me I tried to wake up. To my surprise he with his one hand applied saliva at my back and thrust his penis into my back. With all his might he pulled me towards his chest and with thrust pressed his penis on to me. It was half way through and I woke up to my senses and tried to come out of his grip. I applied all my force and ran out of the bed. He asked what happened child?.. what answer I could have given to him?? He was married this time when he did this.
He has ruined my life. Over the years i think he manipulated my body to his pleasure.
To this day i am unable to forget his touches, his kissing and his thrusting of penis inside me and touch of saliva.. this goes on at various times of day and night. I am unable to forget. I try to forget but sometimes in the darkness of night he takes over me and my body.
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Gaurang Katyayan misra

I am nobody on this vast globe. trying to search for my relevance for existence. Trying to read boundaries.. how to demolish them? want to walk on path of wisdom.. such as vivekananda, Ram, Krishna, Meera, kabir, Sankaracharya, rani chennama, ahilyabai holkar, Laxmi bai, umrao jaan, Rai praveen, Chanakya, SitaRam Raju, Shiva ji, lachit burfukan, Sankar Dev, list is endless

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